connecting the darkness and the light
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Souji tries to wake Hijikata up.


**Fandom: Peacemaker Kurogane  
Title: connecting the darkness and the light.  
Pairing: Hijikata x Souji  
Rating: PG-13  
Description - Souji tries to wake Hijikata up.**

**Disclaimer - Peacemaker Kurogane doesn****'****t belong to me, but the haiku does.**

_Nemurenai._  
_Aisenai hito._  
_Yubisaki ni._

**connecting the darkness and the light.  
By miyamoto yui  
**

"Hijikata-san?" The blue-haired beauty's words rolled off his tongue as if just speaking your name was a crime. This particular manner of breathy speech sent unconscious shivers down the listener's eardrums. They resounded all over the captain's body and it slightly convulsed as if in a mini epileptic seizure.

Yet, the sleeping person on his lap continued to breathe deeply without verbal protest.

"Moshi moshi~" the playful voice of the person who killed people with more than his sword, said while gently tickling the outline of the dark-haired man's ear.

Hijikata responded with a disrupted, yet soft snore which caused him to slightly turn over with his nose touching Souji's lower abdomen. Like a little kid poking his playmate, he shook his head and laughed quietly to himself.

Oh, there were days when he used to curse under his breath when his former master would sleep in front of him without discretion. He wondered if he were that boring to be with that he could act in such a manner. Just because he was his servant at the time, did that mean that Hijikata could treat him as if he were not important at all?

He was young then.  
His name wasn't even Souji then when he tripped into the room and spilt lukewarm green tea onto his master's chest. Hijikata was furious but he took a deep breath and patted the boy's head.

For some reason, he couldn't get mad at such a pretty face. Only later did he learn to win (sometimes, though rarely) against it.

Who would have thought that the elegant and graceful Souji was so clumsy before? He couldn't hold anything right. A tray always tipped one way or the other by the time the drinks were brought to their place of destination, even if it was just the next room. And when he had begged to learn how to use the sword, his master quietly grieved even though he didn't physically shed any tears.

The boy had an unusual talent with the sword and held it in such a way that even Hijikata sometimes found himself watching him so carefully that he momentarily forgot what he was doing. How could such a destructive instrument disguised as "protection" make this beautiful face even more striking when splattered with blood?

It was as poetic as when the little blue-haired boy spread flower petals on the snow to mark the tears of fallen soldiers that couldn't be buried.

On one particular day, Hijikata had a terrible headache. He didn't want anyone else to know so he went into his room to rest a bit, but not after he fulfilled most, if not all, of his responsibilities. The teenage Souji was summoned to sit in the middle of his master's room.

"Hijikata-san?" He nodded as Hijikata slipped into his lap and closed his eyes.  
"Please just let me rest here for a few minutes."

Souji didn't know what to say. He had so many things to do as well as practice. Why was Hijikata asking him to do such a thing? And such a strange request indeed. The awesomely handsome man could have called in a geisha to entertain him.

Why did it have to be him? Didn't he scold him all the time? Didn't Hijikata always reproach him for whatever little thing he did?

So, what was up with this?

He sighed in defeat. What could he have done (or not)?

His eyes carefully analyzed the features of the serene face before him. It was hard to believe since that same face was always so stern and harsh with frigidness that you never quite knew if he was made of steel or of human flesh.

Yet, when it was all done and over with, he wanted to complain. He didn't know what to make of it. But when he overheard some of the other people drinking and saying, "Does Hijikata-san even sleep?", he was a bit stunned. No one ever saw him sleep before. No one could conceive of it.

He never looked liked he had any vulnerable side to him.

That was when he understood how much Hijikata trusted him. And little by little, he grew up.

That was also the day that he discovered how special he was to Hijikata. He also discovered how much Hijikata was to him.

From then on, he never complained when he was asked for his lap to sleep on. Instead, he enjoyed the peacefulness that never seemed to fully penetrate the walls of their establishment. He liked the inanity of pushing Hijikata's long bangs out of the way.

After all, there was a tension that irresistibly wanted to choke his heart. Thus, his signature smile was born from all the thoughts of life, death, nothingness, and faith which had passed through the years of fighting to survive as Souji himself, as a soldier, as a human.

Through it all, whether he held a cup of cold tea, whether he held a handful of tears within his eyelids, whether he held a blood-stained sword in his hands, Hijikata always seemed to find a way to look at him so tenderly shadowed by the scalding words of reprimand.

That's why as he tried to wake him up before the dawn, he really couldn't fully do so. He wanted him to sleep more. For both of their sakes.

But as Hijikata's eyes scrounged up in anxiousness while dreaming, probably of the things he said and didn't say to Souji, Souji's complacent eyes grew alarmed with worry. Knowing that Hijikata would probably wake up with a headache or a frown from the nightmare approaching, Souji reached for the haiku notebook inside Hijikata's clothes.

With laughter sounding in his voice, he recited one of the poems that Hijikata had made. At that, Hijikata's voice grumpily scolded, "Souji~."

But of course, the mischievous Souji wouldn't unload the burden of his thoughts and his sorrow to Hijikata because he was the one he treasured most in the world. He took him from the street and changed him into the infamous figure he was today.  
He became someone, despite all the things his eyes saw and his smile hid behind, whose reflection he could look straight at every morning.

To spite him, Souji bent down to blow seductively into his ear. He whispered flirtatiously into Hijikata's ear once more. "Hijikata-san~."  
At that moment, Hijikata's eyes watched the door and heard the silence around them.

He hated how that sexy perversity always made him break down.

In all the years he ever lived, he couldn't ever resist the being which made him mad, annoyed, and drunk with jealousy with a single, quiet look no one else could have interpreted. In between those large, tempting eyes held the innocent boy who endeared himself to him in all of his strangeness. Yet, the weirdness was not at all odd, wasn't it?  
Everyone hid behind their painted countenances to give a certain reality to the people of the world they lived in.

And in those same eyes, he became the person he never thought he could be. He thought he wasn't fit to love anyone or have anyone love him because it was just too painful to trust and depend on other people.

But damn to the rules when they came to Souji.

He pulled on Souji's clothing to kiss him. Then, his hand went up one of his thighs…

Now, it was Souji's turn to lie on the floor. As Hijikata looked down at him, Souji's hands warmly touched Hijikata's face.

For a moment, their sleepy eyes looked at the visages before them. The same ones they always looked forward to watching when they opened their eyes to the world. The ones that made them feel that things could be all right.

Why was there only a chance for life in between that small space connecting the darkness and the light that seemed to consume humans from the outside and inside themselves? Where am I? Where am I going?

Why am I always dying every time I think I've found something? In a single moment, I can lose everything and in another one, I can have everything.

Isn't sleep a form of temporary death? Haven't you ever thought of that? So, living, dying, and resurrecting again each and every day, why do I persist to live such a lonely existence that keeps me so far away from you?

Why do I only come alive in between the space of those tired, yet warm eyes of yours?

As Souji's muffled cries died into Hijikata's skin, he held on as tightly as he could while Hijikata tried to seek out Souji's soul with his lips.

Yes, even for a little bit, take the agony away.  
Replace it with something that I can feel,  
deceiving what I can't see or show to anyone.

Maybe I only know I exist because of this mental torture,  
but let me stay in between that warm place  
between your closed mouth with a slight, yet genuine smile  
and those deep, deep eyes.

Yes, for a little while,  
just stay with me  
until the pain subsides.

That's the only way  
I've been able to survive

through anything.

**Owari. / The End.**

**Author****'****s notes:** I don't know where this came from. I needed someone seductive to write about…and Souji came to mind. ^^;;; =^o^= However, the first person perspective parts, I left open for Souji, Hijikata, or both of them to think/feel.

-Yui

Translation of haiku:  
Nemurenai. - Cannot sleep.  
Aisenai hito - The person I can't love  
Yubisaki ni - with my fingertips.

**January 13, 2005, 2:51 AM**


End file.
